Vanity is My Only Child

The day to day ramblings and clumsy attempts at boredom murder by S.M. Lochhead.

Fitness, Bitches: Current Levels

Deadlift: 395 (I was injured so I haven’t done conventional deadlifts since June)

Squat: 350 (I like this number)

Front Squat: 300 (I like this number)

Push Press/Jerk/Thruster: Stalled at 185 (this comes down to technique and shoulder flexibility… going to start widening my grip in the rack position and see how that goes) 

Bench Press: 255 (Really happy about this)

Clean: 195 (it’s not pretty, so technique… I need to break 200!!)

Snatch: 155 (technique… I used a split to get this and then I started to work on a squat snatch and, after a couple months, hit a double at 140).

Bonus: 1 dip at 120 lbs (2x20 lbs chains, 1x10 lbs chain, 1x70 lbs kettle bell)

Bonus: Competed in a crossfit comp and had a shit tonne of fun.

Fitness, Bitches

(Me doing my 335 back squat. Neck veins!)

Deadlift: 395, previously 385 (Feb 10; also I have a pretty high rep tolerance between 275 and 345.)

Squat: 335, previously 315 (Feb 10)

Front Squat: 275 (as of Feb 10, need to test again. I think it might be higher)

Push Press/Jerk/Thruster: 185 (haven’t test 1 rep max but got three at 175 last week)

Bench Press: 245 (haven’t tested in a while…)

Clean: 185 (same, but better technique… I can get full depth and I’m getting good pop from the hips….)

Snatch: 150, previously 115 (Feb 10; I’ve been working on this the most and it has paid off).

Bonus: 5 dips with 90 lbs (a 20 lbs. chain over the shoulders, 70 lbs kettlebell between the legs). This is the same as last time, still happy with this.

Bonus, bonus: Ran 10 km in 53 minutes. I haven’t run 10 km in literally (LITERALLY) 10 years. GF beat me by a minute.

Fitness, bitches

We did this on Saturday…

5-3-1 deadlifts (in lbs.: 295, 335, 375)

Strict Pull ups 5x5

Then, for time: 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 of

High Bar Back Squat @ 205

Toes to Rings (

Push ups

I did this in 16:42 (I was very close to vomiting at one point… I do not advocate working out till you vomit… it’s a negative experience… life is too precious to have negative experiences… so my recommend would be to work out until you’re in great pain and your body, at some point, translates that into great pleasure).

Fitness,bitches: current levels…

Deadlift: 385 (Should be higher)

Squat: 315 (I like this number)

Front Squat: 275 (I like this number)

Push Press/Jerk/Thruster: 185 (Breaking 200 on all would be good) 

Bench Press: 245 (Really happy about this)

Clean: 185 (they’re not pretty, so technique)

Snatch: 115 (technique… but I love doing them).

Bonus: 5 dips with 90 lbs (a 20 lbs. chain over the shoulders, 70 lbs kettlebell between the legs… yeah, I’m a badass).

Today’s Workout

1 km run 40 air squats 30 pushups Back squats (strength) A few warm up sets and then… 5x200 (65% 1rm) 5x230 (75%) 5x260 (85%) Then for 12 minutes… Every minute on the minute (EMOM)… Front squats @ 170 x 4 reps Stiff legged deads @ 185 x 4 reps (felt super weak today) Then EMOM for 16 minutes… Weighted dips 4 sets x 5 @ 20 kg 2 sets x 5 @ 32 kg 2 sets x 10 unweighted Strict pull ups 8 sets of 3 unweighted Done.

Today’s Workout

So I hurt myself last week. I blew out my “posterior chain.” I hurt from my traps to my achilles and everywhere in between. My back was the worst and I did it to myself.

Here was last Saturday’s workout:


But not super heavy.


5 @ 240

5 @ 275

5 @ 310

Front squats

4 sets of 5-6 @ 185

Romanian Deadlifts

4 sets of 5-6 @ 255

The next day we did:

More snatch and more front squats (Saturday is my own programming, Sunday is Crossfit’s programming and sometimes it doubles up and that’s not a good thing bodily speaking)…

Anyway, I was done for three days… back was screwed to hell… no sprinting… no real movement until Wednesday night.

Today was the first day I felt pretty good, a little tight, but overall pretty, pretty good.

Started with a 500 m jog. Nothing special, but felt a bit slow.

Then we did a brief warm up before:


3 x 255

3 x 295

3 x 330

Felt a bit tweaked, but overall pretty good.

Then the fun part:

Five rounds of on the minute stuff…

Odd minutes - Benchpress @ 185 for at least 5 reps

Even minutes - strict pull up (body weight) for 3 reps

Followed by five round of on the minute stuff…

Odd minutes - body weight dips for 3 reps (pushed it to 6 in last three rounds)

Even minutes - Bent over rows @ 165 for at least 6 reps*

*You actually should be able to row more than you bench… but today… I blame the deadlifts…

Today’s workout

Open gym at Crossfit: We did, Warmup 500 m run 20 air squats x 3 10 diamond push ups x 2 500 m row Work 3 strict pull ups every minute on the minute for 6 mins (18 pull ups total) 4 sets of 5 @ 185 lbs front squat 4 sets of 6 @ 235 Romanian deadlifts Metcon 21-15-9 double unders (skipping) and wallballs (@20lbs) Bonus I did ring dips 4x5 She did handstands (eccentric pushups - meaning no up) and max double unders… 90 minutes… A little long but a lot of fun…

Fitness, Bitches part 2

Okay. Real workouts. I’ve had a few in the past week. Let’s see…

Workout one:

We did abs/shoulders. It wasn’t a full workout by any stretch (no pun intended? Question mark intended?), but we did enough to sweat. It was cold and rainy outside and we were cold and didn’t want to get wet or sick on our twenty minute trek to the gym, so we stayed in the flat, cleared a space, and got down to it.

We started with a pseudo-HIIT (high intensity interval training) warm-up session. Squats for 20 secs. Pushup for 20 secs. High-knees for 20 secs. And so on, on the same spot, for just under ten minutes. Then right into abs. Front plank for 1 minute. Weighted crunches for one minute (low weight for warm up - 20 lbs. for me). Then side-plank for 40 secs. Then weighted crunches for one minute (I up-ep my weight to 30 lbs). Side plank for 40 secs. Then weighted crunches at full weight for one minute (60 lbs.). Then the last front plank for one minute (this is where you cry). And one final set of weighted crunches at 60 lbs. Usually, we’d go into a short balance ball thing-y workout - one where you put your feet on the ball and draw your knees up and in and one where you put your wrists on the ball and roll out and back in (they both have technical names, but I can’t remember them… so fuck you).

You’ll notice that your shoulders are already warmed up from the ab workout so you can just jump into your shoulder routine. We usually have more variety for our shoulders but we we’re limited to our home gym kit. I had two 30 lbs weights. It’s a bit light for my usual routine (shoulder press, arnold shoulder press) so I did a variation. 6 set x 15 reps at 30 lbs flys coupled with a resistance band press. That’s it. Total workout time 30 minutes. Pretty simple but I walked away with blood-throb (or as some call it “a pump”) both in my general stomach region and in my general shoulder region. Blood-throb. Yes.

I’m a sometime believer in the notion of “time under tension”. This translates to “do your reps nice and slow and as heavy as possible.” It still should be intense but not in the same way a cardio workout is intense. Your heart will beat, sure, but the point is to pull the blood away and get it pumping through the muscles you’re working and to do this for as long as physically impossible. Time under tension.

(Sidenote: Some trainers will show you a bunch of tricky shit - techniques that take time to learn like, for example, a lot of kalisthetic movements - and that’s all well and good, except for the fact each movement takes time to learn. And if you need to learn them, well, guess what, you’ll be working out your brain and not your body. The trick to working out, to losing weight or gaining muscle, is being as intense as possible. The tricky shit is great and you should learn it, and once it’s learned, of course, you can put it into you routine and work your ass off. But do not mistake the learning for the working out. They are two separate thing-ys.)

More later, Bitches…. 

Fitness, bitches

I performed 6 one-minute sprints with 6 one-minute rests in between. On a lifestyle treadmill. At an overstuffed Y.

I performed 100 push-ups and 100 free style squats (no added weight save for the choco xmas fat tire living around my midsection). I did 4 sets of 25 each (although I had to do a 5th set on the push ups to reach 100… because I suck).

In the morning, I ate a bowl of oatmeal and drank a pot of French-pressed coffee, both I made myself (this was pre-workout). In the evening, I ate a cranberry muffin and drank a 4 shot decaf latte, prepared at my local coffee shop and purchased for me by somebody else (this was post-work out). I’ve also, through out the day, had 4 sips from our dwindling organic (organic!) eggnog stash and at least 7 not-organic (Not! Organic!) ricola drops.

I have a cold.

I do not recommend this carb heavy, low cal diet. Nor the cold. But I do recommend this work out. Takes about 20 minutes. Throw it in to supplement a few heavier workouts each week. And try to up your sprints until you can do 10 flat out. And then taper off until you’re back at 6 and go back up again. Repeat ad infinitum.

If you write, do this. If you don’t write, still do this.

There is a point, if you work really hard, when your arms and legs and all those tendons and ligaments are rubber elastic, stretched to snap, where your brain has pressed that big red button and that emergency voice is telling you you’re going to self-destruct, there is a point, just there, when you stop thinking, where a second lasts for a whole fucking day, and you have no care in the whole entire world. 

I’ll tell you about my heavy workouts as they happen. If. Maybe.